There's no logic in his plan

Teddy's dream about Leonora and her pear-shaped boyfriend Ralph came to a screeching halt when the phone rang off the hook. He popped up from his bed like a Jack-in-the-Box, eyes wide open. Teddy wasn't the sort to rouse gradually -- that was Leonora in one of their many areas of cordial incompatibility. Teddy glanced at the alarm clock on the opposite wall's dresser. 6:30 a.m, what imbecile could be calling at this hour? Must be his mother. She lived in Virginia with all her Republican friends and forgot more often than not that Portland was on the Left Coast (as she called it) and three hours earlier.

"Excuse us for bothering you, Mr. Leonard." Teddy heard Mr. Walthorp's voice. He was president of Teddy's condo board. Why'd he be calling? Something was wrong downstairs. Someone had complained about Lucy's barking. They never called unless something was wrong.

"Bad news about your car, I'm afraid. Dan, the night watchman, was trying to let Mrs. Davenport out and couldn't get it into reverse. So he pushed the car out, lost control, and it went over the dock. Right into the river."

"Jesus H. Christ! In the river? Are you insane?"

"Now don't get upset, Mr. Leonard. It's only metal and plastic. Thank goodness Dan is safe."

"Not when I get my hands on him. Where's the car now?"

"We've already raised it. The police and a tow truck have already come and gone. We thought we'd let you know, in case you wanted to have it repaired."

I rushed down the stairs to find Dan and Mr. Walthorp standing out by the dock. My poor car, a small red Lexus, all banged up and waterlogged. I'd never seen such a spectacle. I'd always thought Dan was an idiot and now I had proof.

"So tell me what happened ..."

Dan looked at Mr. Walthorp, who nodded his head. Dan spoke. He recited the company line. Beflummoxed, I found my tongue: "Did you ever consider calilng me?"

"Well, it was 5:00 in the morning and Mrs. Davenport wanted out. She was in a rush and had a plane to catch."

"If she'd been the Queen of England and had commanded you to push the car, you still should've called me first."

"Now, Mr. Leonard, don't be upset!"

I looked at the wrinkled old prune of a condo commando. Don't be upset, indeed. Am I the only one not gone irretrievably insane?