What I won't accept

The tides worked against Aaron as he made his way up the Thames to Richmond. The king’s flotilla preceded him, and he rowed in its wake, happy to avoid the worst of the storm’s wind. He’d stolen a gown from a merchant in London once he stowed his time machine in an abandoned stable not far from the Tower. He’d have stood out among the courtiers in his low-cut jeans, tank top, and high-tops.

Of course, the time machine hadn’t worked as expected. When he’d set the dial for the Court of Henry VIII, he ended up in the law offices of Henry Clay. But after the good senator cocked his head at Aaron and said, “What lawsuit brings you here?” he’d adjusted the dial and, on second try, he’d gotten there.

The red-headed king was just departing for Richmond to visit the Chancellor when Aaron arrived, so Aaron stole the rowboat and made his way north at the rear of the flotilla. No one noticed him, or at least no one cared.

Up ahead, the king’s barge docked. Aaron was tenth in line for docking, but he could see the king disembark and greet his Chancellor. Ah, yes – Thomas More, author of “Utopia.”

What couldn’t Aaron say to these two men?

“A word of advice, your majesty,” he could hear himself saying – but only if he had one foot in the time machine, ready to vanish at a moment’s notice, before the nasty Thomas Cromwell seized him for the Tower. “Don’t marry Anne Boleyn, she’ll be nothing but trouble for you and your kingdom. And for Jane Seymour’s sake, don’t marry her, because she’ll die in childbirth if you do. Anne of Cleves, I’d suggest that you look at her before you marry her, because you won’t want to bed her. Catherine Howard … well, let the buyer beware. And Katharine Parr, she’ll cheat on you.

“Ah, hell,” Aaron would conclude. “Stay with Catherine of Aragon. She really loves you and she’s going to die in another four years anyway. And while you’re at it, shoot your dick. It’s going to get you in a lot of trouble.”

And Aaron heard himself whispering in Thomas More’s ear, “Take your family and get in the first boat for France after dark.”