In summary

Nero shuddered when they walked in. “Oh, my god. Everything, absolutely everything, is in here.”

“Keep your toga on, fat boy. It’s just a pharmacy, a general store, and a convenience market.”

“Stop, you’re both right.”

“You’re the only Roman who’s seen Saturday Night Live.”

“What do they call this store, Aaron?”

“They don’t call it anything anymore. Maybe a ‘superstore.’”

“Since we’re here, I need cleansing facial cream and Preparation H.”

“And I need a box of Trojans and a Waterpick.”

“You get your stuff, I’ll get mine. You pay, though. I have no gold coins.”

“We’d better shop together. Excuse me, ma’am,” Aaron said to the cashier, “where would the condoms be?”

The blank-eyed pasty-pink cashier spoke into the loudspeaker. “Manager to the front, we have a customer who wants condoms.”

Aaron shrank from six feet tall to a little under three. The manager spoke from the back through another loudspeaker. “What kind?”

The cashier stared at Aaron and then blared into the loudspeaker, “Trojans. Lubricated. Spermicidal.” She looked down at Aaron’s crotch. “And extra small.”

Aaron grabbed the loudspeaker. “That’s extra large, and if you don’t get your ass off that speaker, I’m going to come over there and personally screw you with my extra large.”