Boisterous Volvo

Elmer ran down the street and screamed at the top of his lungs. The neighbors on Chestnut Street rushed out from their houses to see what the fuss was all about.

Mrs. Winkelputzer shouted out a question from her rocking chair. "What in the name of Jehosephat is Elmer Butterfield carrying on about?"

Mrs. Hemphood scratched his forehead and muttered, "Ain't been the same since his mama done died. Why can't that snarly uncle come on down from Toledo and Elmer away?"

Miss Pringelmeyer let her blonde curls dangle from her hair net. Maybe now Elmer would notice her, all pretty in her Pepto-Bismol pink and golden hair. Especially since Elemer wasn't wearing anything except his dead sister Mabel's ballerina tutu.

"Help!" he said. "That old car is chasing me down the street. Mama's come back from the grave and she's possessed the old Volvo and she's chasing me, just like she always used to do with that ruler."

Mr. Hemphood looked down the corner at the old Butterfield place. The Volvo hardly sported a new life -- it sat dead in the gravel, no boisterous runaway like Elmer screamed about.

"Vehicle outlives vehicle owner!" Elmer repeated the refrain, over and over. "Beware the boisterous Volvo! Vehicle outlives vehicle owner!"

"What the devil do you mean?" Mrs. Winkelputzer asked from her porch.

"Miss Pringelmeyer ran up to her. "He's such a sweet soul, we got to do something for him."

Elmer pranced up to them. "Volvo. It means 'vehicle outlives vehicle owner.' That's what Mama always said. And now it's chasing me down the street. Got to run for help!"

They all looked down the street, fifteen years old, a car with no tires on cinder blocks. But Elmer kept pointing down the street.

"See? It's jumped off the blocks! I'm getting out of here before the Mama car runs me down!"

Off he went. They heard him yelling his refrain down Chestnut Street. He turned the corner onto Main Street. A bus flattened him dead.

"Volvo," Mrs. Winkelputzer cried, "Vehicle outlives second owner, too."