At the grocery store

God, no. Elliott stood in the dairy section, tossing packages of Greek jogurt into his shopping cart. I could get milk, eggs, and bacon some other time. So I headed for the produce department.

Hmm, I didn’t ordinarily get a lot of produce. Could I meander here until Elliott checked out? He never bought more than five or six items at a time. That’s what had always bothered me about him. He’d go shopping every day, insisting we had the absolute most fresh food in the house possible. I hated shopping (at least with him) – in and out. So here I was, stalling in the produce section.

I saw a bunch of bananas I liked, so in they went. I saw some apples, so I picked four I thought looked good. In they went. But the vegetables? Yuck. Elliott always made us eat green salads for dinner with tomatoes, cucumbers, onions, radishes – you name it, he threw everything in except the kitchen sink. It was torture for me to eat all those salads.

I’ll head over to the meat section. That’s where I always do my shopping. Lots of beef, chicken, pork – more my style than Elliott’s. He liked to have fish six days a week and treated himself to a lean filet on Saturdays. Boring! But there he was, waiting in line at the meat counter. I saw him pick up a stack of six packages. Steaks, every single one of them. So I turned and went into the cereal lane.

Another point of contention – our morning breakfasts. He’d have slow-cooking oatmeal, but me, I liked my Honey Nut Cheerios. So I picked up a box of them. Hmm. Elliott was taking longer than I thought. Maybe he’s changed. I decided to make a dash for the check-out counter.

I got behind this lady in spandex and sunglasses. Why’s she wearing sunglasses? It’s raining cats and dogs outside. Plastic surgery job, too. Totally get her, this Floridiot (that’s an idiot who lives in Florida, by the way). She’s taking forever to check out. God, no. Here comes Elliott. I look down at my stuff.

He taps me on the shoulder. “Fancy seeing you here! What’s it been, nine months?”

Not anywhere near long enough. “Hi, Elliott! I’m so happy to see you!”