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Middle River Press, Inc. of Oakland Park, FL is presently in the production stages of publishing "Agnes Limerick, Free and Independent," and it's expected to be available for purchase this winter 2013-2014.

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

So what are you going to do?

Wilbur dialed into the conference number that Giles had given him. Some Minneapolis area code he didn’t recognize. Giles had insisted, don’t use the toll number if calling from your cellphone because the long distance is free anyway. Wilbur had to look up the eight-digit password, and wished he had some way to memorize it. Like Giles-is-a-big-fat-jerk converted to some numeric code. But yes, after three tries that had Wilbur grinding his teeth even before Giles opened his pompous mouth, he got in.

Egbert was already on the line from Dallas. Yes, guys, I’m sorry I’m late, Wilbur heard himself saying. Traffic was super bad driving in from Lowell on the Mass Pike. Oh, that’s all right, Wilbur, he heard Giles sermonize. Our time isn’t as valuable as yours.

Go screw yourself, you sanctimonious prig, Wilbur thought – oh, if only people could say what we really think, and get away with it! Giles launched into his 25-minute soliloquy about Mother and Dad and their nursing homes in Cleveland. How well they were doing. So well, Wilbur thought – they must be ready to go out and buy a house and live independently again. Even if Mother was in the late stages of Alzheimer’s and Dad’s only physical capability was lifting his right arm off the wheelchair.

“If only Mother wasn’t such a control freak,” Wilbur actually heard Giles say, actually saying that – “we could have them live in a single nursing home. But she makes Dad’s life miserable, and we can’t have that. They have only a limited amount of time left to them, and we just can't have them living together.”

“Giles,” Egbert said at long last, “I really think we need to revisit that decision. Not a good idea. They’ve been married sixty years, and Dad’s been begging me to get them back together.”

“No, there’s no way, Egbert,” Giles said, launching into another 15-minute diatribe on the absolute necessity of keeping the parents apart, finally ending, “and in summary, I’d just like to add –“ which gave Wilbur and Egbert another ten minutes of listening to His Grandiose Pomposity pontificate about absolutely nothing new at all.

“If I may add,” Wilbur said, after fifty-five minutes of saying no more than seven or eight words altogether, “I agree with Egbert –“

“Excuse me, Wilbur,” Giles said, “you interrupted me. Why must you be such a control freak, just like Mother?”

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