What I never expected

He made sure that the door to the basement stairs was firmly shut before he picked up the telephone and dialed out. Two minutes later, Jerry had dispensed with the small talk and got down to business.

“Mr. Gagner, I’ve decided to accept your offer,” Jerry said, “and I’d like to start as soon as I can.”

“I’m delighted, young man, and I know you’ll enjoy working for Balm Technologies. We have exactly the right environment for someone of your skill set. I will alert Ms. Robinson and she will contact you.”

Jerry’s heart raced at a hundred per minute and he could hear his pulse pounding in his ear drums. He looked up the staircase. The door was still shut. Mr. Gagner continued.

“I’ll have Ms. Robinson contact you about the necessary paperwork, and Ms. Meyer will contact you about your relocation options. Where do you think you will live? There are many choices in this area.”

Jerry had thought about it long and hard, and on the trip out there, had settled on one specific neighborhood. But he didn’t want to risk getting fired before starting the job, so he lied – but only by a hill.

“I’m going to live in the city,” he said, and then he hedged a little, “somewhere in the vicinity of Noe Valley.”

Jerry heard a click on the other end of the line.

“Mr. Gagner, are you still there?”

“Yes, Jerry, of course I’m still here. Noe Valley is a wonderful neighborhood in San Francisco. I’m sure you’ll be very happy.”

The basement door opened and down the stairs stomped Mother. She threw a file of papers onto his bed, tears streaming down her face, her motions all jagged and sharp. Jerry covered the mouthpiece of his extension and just as he was about to speak –

“You can take your medical records with you, you ungrateful spoiled child,” his mother said, “and don’t expect to ever come back here again. And you owe me rent for the past six months, and you can feed yourself from now on until you leave.”

Mother turned around and stomped back up the stairs, but when she reached the top, she tripped and fell backward. Her hips first hit a stair half way, and then her head smashed into the railing, and then her legs wrapped around a post, and she came to a stop at the bottom of the staircase, hitting her face against the bare floor. Blood oozed out of her teeth and she stared up at him with a wild, blank expression.

Jerry’s blood curdled and he felt his stomach go empty. But he took his hand off the phone's mouthpiece.

“Mr. Gagner, I’m afraid I need to get off the phone,” he heard some remote part of his brain saying, without knowing where it was coming from. “Thank you for your call. I’ll be in touch with both Ms. Robinson and Ms. Meyer. Goodbye.”