Socks

The time machine kicked up when Aaron turned the nob to 1535. Smoke poured out from the bottom, the machine lurched up, down, left, right, forward, and backward, and Aaron felt vibrations muddle his torso, legs, arms, and scalp. And then he was off in a bright white light. As always, he felt the silent surrender into the black vortex, following the white light.

He felt the usual thud on landing. Dust rose up into his face and he coughed. He immediately felt the cold, damp air – and when the dust settled, he looked around. Clear weather, but cool and damp. Brownish-gray fields everywhere, a forest of trees in the distance, and a castle of brown stone and turrets at the foot of the forest, from which he heard music coming. Atonal, soprano, sounded like lutes. Boring shit, he despised that Medieval music. Give Aaron a Beethoven symphony any day!

Yes, he had made it. He was in the court of King Henry VIII. Or was he?

He stepped out of the time machine and looked down at himself. Not too bad – as usual, the machine had transformed his clothing to the suitable wear of the day. A green and white smock over a kilt of tartan plaid. He was wearing white stockings and black slippers – oh, how he hated the stockings. He felt like a girl!

That reminded Aaron of his last conquest. Jennifer had been riding him like a horse while Eric sat on his face, wearing a pair of socks. Ah, how he loved switch hitting. But enough of fantasy, back to the Tudors –

“Sir, who goes there?”

“It is I, Aaron Aardvark of San Francisco.”

“I know no Aardvarks or Franciscans. Protestant or Catholic?”

“Jewish.”

“Ah, the chosen people. Are you an emissary from Palestine?”

“No,” Aaron said, eyeing the time machine from behind the tree, a hundred feet away. “I’m a bisexual from California.”

“A sorcerer, clearly we must take you to the tower.”

Aaron made a dash for the time machine, but fifteen feet away, he tripped on his slippers and fell into the marsh. The man pinned him to the ground instantly. Shit, Aaron thought – why couldn’t he have been closer to the machine when he needed it?