A lie

Eddie's dream about Nealie and her pear-shaped boyfriend Herbert came to a screeching halt when the phone rang off the hook. He popped up from his bed like a Jack-in-the-Box, eyes wide open. Leave that to Nealie. Eddie glanced at the alarm clock on the opposite wall's dresser. Six-thirty in the morning, must be his mother. She lived in Virginia with her Republican friends and forgot more often than not that Portland was on the Left Coast, as she called it.

"Excuse us for bothering you, Mr. Edwards." Eddie heard Mr. Spencer's voice. He was president of Eddie's condo board. Why'd he be calling? Someone must’ve complained about Lucy's barking.

"Bad news about your car, I'm afraid. Dan, the night watchman, was trying to let Mrs. Cavendish out. When he put it in reverse, it jumped back and Dan lost control. Went right into the river.”

"Jesus H. Christ! In the river? Are you insane?"

"Don't get upset, Mr. Edwards. It's only metal and plastic. Thank goodness Dan was able to jump out before it went over."

"Have you called the police? What about raising the car?"

"We've already raised it. The police and the tow truck have already come and gone. We thought we'd let you know, in case you wanted to have it repaired."

Eddie rushed down the stairs to find Dan and Mr. Spencer standing out by the dock. My poor Spitfire, all banged up and waterlogged. Dan was always an idiot and this proved it.

"Tell me what happened."

Dan looked at Mr. Spencer, who nodded his head. Dan spoke. He recited the same line Spencer had.

"Why didn’t you call me?"

“It was 5:00 in the morning and Mrs. Cavendish wanted out. She was in a rush and had a plane to catch."

"If she'd been the Queen of England and had commanded you to push the car, you still should've called me first."

"Now, Mr. Edwards, don't be upset!"

Eddie looked at the wrinkled old prune of a condo commando. He turned to go up the ramp to the second level.

“Just one minute,” Eddie said. “If Dan jumped out of the car just before it went over, why doesn’t he have any bruises or scrapes? Something’s fishy here.”