Hank Rydall: Making it last

Hank just knew she was the one. Oh, how Buffy made his toes curl upward! And oh, how he felt those little tingling sensations climb up from his esophagus into his throat and, best of all, massage the back of his throat! And oh, how good she felt when she cocked her head left to right and giggled with that “Oh, that’s so weird!” she usually bubbled out with when Hank gave commentary on how different Pasadena was from Dubuque.

Why, Hank marveled at the miracle of it all – finding the girl of his dreams only two weeks after arriving on his cross-country trek in Grandma Harriett’s ’76 Plymouth Valiant. Why, the car had made it all the way to Pasadena before giving up the ghost after 35 stalwart years on the farm. So Hank had plopped himself down at the closest Motel 6, where Buffy worked, and asked for a job.

Buffy had been so sweet about it all, for gosh sakes – why, she’d offered him a free breakfast with his $9.95 per night room. And boy, she’d taken up residence with him only on the second night and reduced it to $7.95. What miracles ensued … and even though she’d insisted he romp around with her (though Hank scolded himself, he’d promised he’d wait until marriage, but Buffy was just so, so sweet) … he’d ended up enjoying it like nothing he’d ever experienced.

And God bless Buffy for her discretion – why, she always left him alone during the day, especially those times when the truckers rolled in from Bakersfield, and also in the early evening when that mechanic from the Getty station across the street got off work. She was just, well, a miracle beyond belief in that she always knew the right thing to do.

And too bad, then, that Hank had run out of money after Buffy asked him for a loan “to pay for my community college tuition,” even though Hank hadn’t known she attended community college, and for what degree? It didn’t matter to Hank, just that she was close enough to ask him, and of course he loaned her the $280 out of the $340 left from his grandmother’s inheritance. Grandma Harriett would certainly approve …

… until the following evening when Hank found Buffy in his own bedroom with that mechanic from the Getty station across the street who’d just gotten off work, and Hank had yanked the television screen off the wall and smashed it on their heads, killing both of them. And then Hank wondered where he’d go, what with the ’76 Plymouth Valiant gone kaput and all.