Allow me to introduce myself

My name is Aaron Aardvark. Or at least that's what I call myself these days. My real name is something toward the end of the alphabet. But I decided that when I come back in my next life, I want to be first in line. No one knows that about me. I want to sit at the head of my elementary school class, I want to be called on first to give that pesky answer to the algebra question, and I want to be the first to get the guys (if I come back oriented to men) or girls (if I come back oriented to women). I'm on an unhistoric adventure across the world. I'll visit priests, princes, and presidents throughout world history and I'll take them to task for their sins and their debaucheries. Because I want to escape to the past that history entails -- no one knows that about me, either -- and envelop me in the security of what is known. So get ready, world, here comes Aaron Aardvark.

And that's something else no one knows. I'm going to write an adventure novel about a naive, self-centered, egotistical, narcissistic, sado-masochistic misanthrope named Aaron Aardvark. And he gets his in the long run.